So I went to see step-daughter1 after leaving the hospital as she was in a right ol’ state worried about her mum and desperately scared and out of control.
It was only 8-30 or thereabouts and she was still quite sober. She listened well to me and I calmed her down told her it would be ok and we would see her tomorrow at the hospital. I told her to make sure that she had washed away the effects of the night before before she came in and to look decent.
midnight came and I was just leaving my dads next door having sat and nattered and got rid of a lot of my stress. I wasn’t looking forward to being in the house by myself overnight. I find it very uncomfortable and I feel a little lost. I never quite know what to do with myself during those times. Anyway the phone goes and it was the 22 year old out of her mind with scaredness and alcohol insisting that she was going down to the hospital now to see her mum cos its her mum and no one can stop her and all she wants to do is to lie down next to her and sleep.
Obviously I did not want this to happen in any shape or form. I didn't want her to disturb her mum, to make a scene, to get herself in trouble etc etc. She point blank refused to listen to anything I said and in the end hung up on me.
So i ran home got the dog ( now I have no reason at all for why i got the dog but i did) put him in the boot and hot tailed to Toytown at many over the speed limit thinking great Friday night loads of plod about but I didn't get pulled thank god.
I got to the hospital and as she wasn't answering her phone I didn't quite know what i should do so i had a quick peek around and headed towards town constantly phoning (on hands free) till finally she answered. She was in the pub still and i met her out the back and watched with horror as the various emotions Anger, tears, (I know not an emotion) rage, despair, desperate attempts at self calming just flowed across her almost at will.
She was struggling to listen to me and in the end I just kept saying that if she went down to the hospital in that state she wouldn't be able to see her mum tomorrow as she would be arrested and probably banned from the hospital. I said it again and again and again. She was so distraught bless her, worried about her mum and unable to express it in a way that wasn't extreme. She doesn't want her to die wants her to be at her wedding and I did all I could to reassure that there was nothing i knew that could lead me to say that that would happen, that if i knew anything i would have told her and that all we knew was that her mum was poorly and they were doing tests and would find out and get it sorted.
We ended up going into the sweating heaving noisy mass of the perkin and what a joy it was all these pissed people bouncing off me and her and both of us bristling with emotion and anger at them. We were lucky i think that no-one really challenged us cos i think if either one of us had got challenged both would have just lost the plot. We found her girlfriend and i tried to talk to her and we ended up going out the front of the pub where all the police and bouncers were and some silly pissed tart started getting a bit lairy with me and i just let rip at her “Do i look like I'm having a good day? Just fuck off and leave us alone and get out of my face” then the daughter arrived again and she and I had a few words and she brushed me away crossly and tried to go back in the pub and the bouncer refused to let her back in again.
IN the end i left them to it. There was not much i could see to do further. They were of to a club so i hoped she would go and do that and not something stupid. I told both of them that if they needed me to ring and went home finally to go to my bed for the first time ever alone in this house i realised and tried to go to sleep. I slept in my clothes with my phone by my ear. I actually had it close cos i played a recording of my love asleep through the phone so that i would go to sleep better. It freaked the cats out cos they could hear mummy but not see her but i think it worked for me.
They didn't ring and the today she turned up at hospital happy cool calm clean and collected and a little embarrassed, not much but a little. We had a good time the three of us together feeling like a proper family for once. She aint my kid but she's the closest I've got and I am proud of her. not proud of how she was last night but proud of how she ahs changed her life around from the mayhem that it was 4 or so years ago
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